I live to love with passion, to succeed in my efforts to accomplish, to radiate a joyful heart, to embrace and understnd our differences, to be a humble servant to life assignments, to be genuine in my intent and most importantly...to celebrate the essence of my "Femininity".


~Ada

Celebrating Love and Romance

Valentine’s Day- Celebrating Love and Romance

Everyday should be a day you show your gratitude and love to the special people in your life.  St. Valentine’s Day is that one magical day of the year that you set aside to romance and show your undying love to that special person in your life.  It is through giving that we open our hearts to love.

What Is Love?

Love is not a word you utter; anyone can say “I Love You”, true love is your heart in action demonstrating the unbreakable bond of commitment, respect and adoration.  It is that uncontrollable force of nature that demands the soul to care without conditions, restrictions or barriers. It gives no excuses, it sees no hurdles and it fosters laughter and joy. It is priceless, free and un-exchangeable. It is unique to only one, commands priority and forsakes all others. It nourishes desire, celebrates intimacy and refuels limitless passion. It grows no thorns, forgiving, and gentle in its path.

Love is the mutual attachment to the goodness of the heart.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Dating and Family Relationships: Dating and Parenting a Toddler

The dynamics of parenthood has definitely changed its course through time.  Being a single parent now days is not necessarily a result of a divorce; many women/men are choosing to have children out of wed-lock and many goal driven individuals are choosing to have children at a later stage in life or not at all.  And then you have the “oops” baby making folks that have, for whatever reason, never heard of a condom (Red Flag Alert).  Whichever circumstance identifies you, whether you’re a divorced, widowed or an adoptee single mother or father, it does not make you exempt from the dating world or immune to sharing your life with someone other than your child. Single parents have the right and deserve to be in a loving relationship just like anyone else. With preparation and well-defined priorities, you can enjoy a blissful relationship without compromising your role as a parent.

The following are some tips to help guide single parents back into the platform of occupational dating:

Be Strait Forward and Honest from the Start

Some people prefer not to disclose they have a child until the first date, for it allows that other person an opportunity to get to know you without all those misconceptions of being a single parent. If asked previously, then yes absolutely discuss with limited disclosure; the last thing you want is to be feeding information to a pedophile.  And never take it personal if he/she is not interested in dating you, it’s a personal choice that should be respected.  Not everybody has the parenting gene!

Caring for My Toddler Always Comes First

In Single Parent Dating 101, telling your potential life partner that your child comes first no matter what is not only a huge RED FLAG but unhealthy and unrealistic standards to live by.  It is the care of a child that takes precedence over anything else, more so during the first 5 primary development years of a child’s life.  A potential relationship will never evolve if your date feels like there is no hope in ever becoming #1, in which a spouse is entitled to have.   Choosing not to date till your child is of school age is a personal decision you will have to make based on your child’s needs and accessibility to suitable care. It is important to be mindful that infant/ toddlers needs are different from a school age children for they require additional supervision, nurturing and guidance.  The best part is that it is only temporary and in no time your children will be grown and more independent, leaving you more autonomy over your social dating life.

Date Having Difficult Time Accepting

Dating a single parent with a toddler may not be much of a big deal for some folks, especially if you are a parent of a young child yourself. However, for many the idea of taking on the responsibility of an instant family is far from appealing. Choosing to date someone with or without children should be a defined established standard, which should be addressed at the beginning and not well into a relationship when emotional investments have been made. If your partner seems reluctant or on the fence or just disengaged from the idea that you’re a parent (no consideration for your time and schedule), reconsider the relationship; allowing time to pass in hopes that they will have a change of heart or grow into the idea, is taking a very risky gamble with your emotions.

Date Respectfully!  Remember Your Modeling Behavior for Your Child

Falling for that someone special is exciting and adventurous, as well as time-consuming. A great date is best enjoyed knowing you have the peace of mind that your child has been attended to and is being cared for by a great and trustworthy provider.  Keep your parenthood life separate from your social dating life until you are certain that your partner is a keeper and worthy of sharing your most precious life treasures. Always keep in mind that children absorb everything they hear and see; your actions will be the blueprint to their future relationships.

Just Keeping it Real!

Dating and Family Relationships: Setting Boundaries with Your Ex

Being a single parent with young children and desiring to date is not equivalent to filling your taxes; a maddening and frustrating process. Regardless of your single family dynamics, we are all creatures who desire to be loved and have healthy stimulating relationships. Being the best parent you can be requires nurturing your mind, body and soul, not sacrificing yourself for the next 18+ years.  Transitioning yourself from mommy or daddy to that of dater, lover, or partner can be achieved without emotional guilt or compromising your priorities; with appropriate structuring of your time and clear and honest intentions you can have a healthy dating social life as a single parent.

The first step in dating as a single parent is assessing your emotional availability.  Are you emotionally detached and healed from your past relationship? Raising young children, especially under the age of five,  requires a great deal of participation and partnership from both parents and more than often that common bond with two individuals can prolong emotional attachments for one party more than the other; creating a platform for baby momma or daddy drama.   To avoid unwanted drama and heartache to both parties involved set clear healthy boundaries in co-parenting your child and your interactions with your ex.  You might be checked out but is your ex clear and respectful of that? Your interaction should be business like with the best interest being in your children; such as have a clear set schedule for visitations a mutual agreement for financial support and a plan of action in the case of an emergency.  

I received a letter from a woman named Kim, who was having some unsettling emotions over the interactions between her fiancé and his ex-partner.  Kim was unsure if her emotions were unwarranted and didn’t want to come off as the insecure drama girlfriend to her partner.  Kim respected their friendship but started to wonder about the ex’s emotional attachment, including her fiancés.  Kim’s concerns were triggered when her fiancé received a call from the ex discussing her relationship issues with her current boyfriend; she went on to describe several other situations that had absolutely nothing to do with co-parenting their child. 

Kim’s insecurities are justified and before they develop into issues of distrust a heart-to-heart conversation needs to take place immediately.  Approach your concerns cautiously, not to set yourself up against the ex but more in a suggestive manner of how to set healthy boundaries with the ex without impacting the relationship with the children.  If he is unwilling to hear your concerns or make necessary adjustments, then I suggest re-evaluating the relationship as they are significant Red Flags.  It is Kim’s partner’s responsibility to cultivate trust and security in the relationship through his transparent actions, clear communication and healthy boundary setting.   

Entering a new relationship when there are still emotional attachments with the ex can be stressful and unhealthy. The greatest impact will be on the children, who deserve to have two emotionally healthy parents guiding their every step in life. The key to making it work is communication and respect, and if they still can’t let go, then know when to call it quits.

Just Keeping it Real!

Dating Standards: First Date Deal Breakers #10-Bad Attitudes

Anything in life is attainable, so as long as you maintain a great Attitude! Whether it’s your dream job, great friendships and yes even that ideal relationship.  The disposition in which you choose to live your life will greatly influence the kind of people you attract and the success you achieve. The concept is very simple; happy individuals congregate with other happy folks and negative individuals keep company with other negative folks. My mother would always remind me, as I was growing up a rebellious teenager, “show me who you hang around with and I will tell you who you are”. My mother was right, not only do we inadvertently assume the behaviors and attitudes of our peers but we also position ourselves to be profiled with negative judgment.

I received a letter from a reader who ignored several first date red flags and ended up in an exasperating long-term unhealthy relationship; that poignant red flag that lead to her much disappointment and shattered heart was her partners Bad Attitude.  Sally recalls the overlooked initial sings at that first encounter to when her date behaved obnoxiously and rude to the service staff during the course of their dinner. And although Sally knew this behavior was unacceptable, she disregarded because his interaction with her was quite the opposite; he was the ideal ladies man, cordial and attentive with a clear intention to win her heart over.  As time progressed, Sally’s partners’ bad attitude towards others became her inherited matter. Not only was he having a bad attitude with her, but she was starting to display snippets of obnoxious behavior with others.  On several occasions Sally addressed the issue in great details, but the overall conclusion was that he was not willing to acknowledge or make about any changes for nobody.

A person’s bad attitude is a choice, granted that life circumstances plays a significant role but who in this world doesn’t go through life trials and tribulations; they exist to help us build character and the desire to fight for triumph.  Individuals with bad attitudes have not only given up on their fight but have chosen to become victims of their own life struggles and circumstances. That is not to say that people can’t change, of course they can but by their own free will and desire.  True love prevails all and if Sally was a significant person in his life he might have felt a slight need to be emotionally accountable and seek solutions to her concerns.  Sally could not mend what was already broken, her positions was that of a partner and not of a therapist.  

Sally’s rollercoaster relationship could have been avoided had she been more attentive and mindful to her dating standards and needs.  Attaining healthy relationships starts with you first; make the right choices and never assume you are exempt from being treated differently because you are the “special one”, a person of good character doesn’t pick and choose; everyone is treated equally with dignity and respect. 

Just Keeping it Real!

Dating Standards: First Date Deal Breakers #9- Don’t Lead Me On

You should always be amiable and polite on your first date, but if you are not feeling the chemistry and you sense your date having much stronger feelings than you, then raise up your “just want to be friends” card before you continue to mislead that person into thinking you are interested in anything more than what you are willing to give.  You can’t always assume that your date will pick up on the cues that you’re just not into them especially if you are being overly nice and attentive.  Some men and woman become selfish by enjoying their ego’s being stroked and even though it feels great to have someone desire you, it is never acceptable to give false intentions at someone else’s expense; if you’re lonely get a dog.  By no means am I suggesting for you to be rude or obnoxious, instead be direct with your intentions. The following are some suggestions for getting the message across:

1. You can state “I am not interested in getting into any relationships at this time but would like to maintain a friendship. (Always make it about you and not them; keep it classy!)”. 
2. Don’t give any eye contact or body language that can be misinterpreted as flirtatious.
3. Do not discuss any type of future dates or plans.
4. Do not use any terms of endearment, such as, baby, honey, my love etc….
5. DO NOT give any type of affection whatsoever, especially a good night kiss or a hug. Extend your arm and go for the hand-shake, which should get the message across, if all else fails.

A reader sent in a letter discussing how she was very confused by her suitor’s actions following what she believed to be a great first date.  He never contacted her or responded to any of her messages, which left her perplexed considering that throughout the course of the date, he was very assiduous, continuously flirtatious, and even went in for a kiss at the end of the evening; unfortunately she was lead on by his false intentions.

Whatever factors are involved for his unresponsiveness, it all equates back to his interest level. We can make excuses and rationalize it to his need for a challenge; however the majority of men are self-indulgent and will stop at nothing to get what they want.  So yes ladies, if he is not calling you back, it’s because he was just not into you.  Lick your wounds and get yourself back on track, that great guy is around the corner or maybe just right under your nose, but how would you ever know with all your efforts being exhausted by an undeserving guy.

Just Keeping it Real!

Dating Standards: First Date Deal Breakers #8- Walking in Confidence

This article is very essential, if not the most important point in finding your perfect match and succeeding in life in general. That pearl of wisdom is no other than your “Self-Confidence”. It’s that assurance in which you walk-in that will always lead you to the path of success, not to be confused with cockiness or arrogance.  If you ask any woman or man, what is the most attractive feature of a potential mate, the majority will always state “their self-confidence”.  Sounds great, but what exactly does that mean?

Confident Man:

Walks in the assurance of his decisions and isn’t afraid to admit that he doesn’t know everything.  A confident man is not in need of constant validation and is not threatened by others success. His faith in his abilities is demonstrated through his coolness and well maintained balance when under pressure. When he is wrong he is willing to accept responsibility and not prideful to request forgiveness, he accepts and welcomes constructive criticism and gives advice through love and diplomacy. A confident man has consideration for others and shows his love through his actions. He is able to express he cares for others and that he wants to be cared for.  A confident man does not worry about proving his masculinity to others; he is willing to reveal vulnerability and his romantic side in the name of love.

Confident Woman:

A confident woman is comfortable in her own skin and is not trying to be someone she is not. She is able to make sound rationale decisions that are selfish less.  She takes ownership of her natural beauty and is not held bondage by her need to fit in. A confident woman knows herself worth and sets the standard for how she will be cherished and appreciated by others. She knows her strengths and is willing to accept she is a work in progress. A confident woman walks into a room and people take notice, she always dresses the part with class and appropriateness.  A confident woman wants the most out of life and pushes herself to be the best she can be.  She can transition from being an outgoing adventurist to a loving gentle woman who always puts family first. A confident woman always speaks words of encouragement and knows how to control her emotions.  A confident woman is faithful and able to love unconditionally.

When defining your characteristics in a potential mate you never list someone with low self esteem.  Confidence, on the other hand, is usually at the top of everyone’s list.  Confidence makes a person more balanced and able to manage life’s challenging situations. Nobody wants to venture into a relationship with someone who is needy and lacking confidence out of fear, it enables the ability to believe in yourself and your capabilities for building healthy relationships.

So if you feel you are lacking confidence, I suggest you read a few self-help books, get a make-over or just fake it till you make it; but keeping it real, of course!

Just don’t do the following:

1. Never complain about your body or clothing; such as “I feel fat” or “I look like a mess”.
2. Never compare yourself to someone else or fish for a complement.
3. Stop fidgeting with your clothes, hair and make-up. If you need to freshen up, take a quick trip to the ladies room.
4. Don’t self declare your hotness!
5. Don’t name drop all the designers that are hanging on you.
6. DO NOT show off the list of suitors who want to date you. BIG TURN-OFF!
7. Never get caught with nothing to say.
8. And NEVER, NEVER, NEVER ask your suitor to rate your date at the end of the evening. Just finish off by stating: “I had a wonderful evening, as I hope you did as well, and I look forward to seeing you soon”.

So get your confidence on and start believing in possibilities. Remember confidence has nothing to do with your looks but everything to do with your attitude.  

Just keeping it real!