Dating and Family Relationships: Setting Boundaries with Your Ex

Being a single parent with young children and desiring to date is not equivalent to filling your taxes; a maddening and frustrating process. Regardless of your single family dynamics, we are all creatures who desire to be loved and have healthy stimulating relationships. Being the best parent you can be requires nurturing your mind, body and soul, not sacrificing yourself for the next 18+ years.  Transitioning yourself from mommy or daddy to that of dater, lover, or partner can be achieved without emotional guilt or compromising your priorities; with appropriate structuring of your time and clear and honest intentions you can have a healthy dating social life as a single parent.

The first step in dating as a single parent is assessing your emotional availability.  Are you emotionally detached and healed from your past relationship? Raising young children, especially under the age of five,  requires a great deal of participation and partnership from both parents and more than often that common bond with two individuals can prolong emotional attachments for one party more than the other; creating a platform for baby momma or daddy drama.   To avoid unwanted drama and heartache to both parties involved set clear healthy boundaries in co-parenting your child and your interactions with your ex.  You might be checked out but is your ex clear and respectful of that? Your interaction should be business like with the best interest being in your children; such as have a clear set schedule for visitations a mutual agreement for financial support and a plan of action in the case of an emergency.  

I received a letter from a woman named Kim, who was having some unsettling emotions over the interactions between her fiancé and his ex-partner.  Kim was unsure if her emotions were unwarranted and didn’t want to come off as the insecure drama girlfriend to her partner.  Kim respected their friendship but started to wonder about the ex’s emotional attachment, including her fiancés.  Kim’s concerns were triggered when her fiancé received a call from the ex discussing her relationship issues with her current boyfriend; she went on to describe several other situations that had absolutely nothing to do with co-parenting their child. 

Kim’s insecurities are justified and before they develop into issues of distrust a heart-to-heart conversation needs to take place immediately.  Approach your concerns cautiously, not to set yourself up against the ex but more in a suggestive manner of how to set healthy boundaries with the ex without impacting the relationship with the children.  If he is unwilling to hear your concerns or make necessary adjustments, then I suggest re-evaluating the relationship as they are significant Red Flags.  It is Kim’s partner’s responsibility to cultivate trust and security in the relationship through his transparent actions, clear communication and healthy boundary setting.   

Entering a new relationship when there are still emotional attachments with the ex can be stressful and unhealthy. The greatest impact will be on the children, who deserve to have two emotionally healthy parents guiding their every step in life. The key to making it work is communication and respect, and if they still can’t let go, then know when to call it quits.

Just Keeping it Real!